Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I was chatting with a friend today and realized that I feel emotionally drained. I'm not sure why... maybe it's due to living in a different culture and trying so hard to become a part of it. Maybe it's due to the effort I have to put into building relationships here or keeping up with ones in the states. Maybe it's just because I'm a Mommy and Isabella requires a lot of energy and I'm just tired. I think it's a bit of everything all piled up and it hit me today. I found myself wanting to run and hide... my self-esteem low, my spirits down, and tears just welling up. These emotions shocked me but it made me realize what a great support group we had in MN. Sometimes I feel very lonely here but that's not a bad thing. It forces me to step out of my comfort zone, meet people, explore, and spend time with God. I could very easily hide... this city is big enough for me to get lost among the people but that's not what I want and I don't think that's what God wants either. He brought me here to stretch me and to use me and He can't do that if I don't let Him. And I SO want to be a part of His big plan! I think living here will be a constant spiritual battle because we're here for a purpose and satan doesn't want that. Satan knows what brings us down and uses that against us. These things I've been dealing with lately are the stronghold he has on me but I pray continuously that God will give me victory. It's amazing how a little prayer can change your thoughts, your attitude and make them glorifying to God. My prayer is that we all would give God these struggles and not let Satan get ahold of us in these ways. It's too easy to get down and run away but then we miss out on all the cool things God has planned for us. I have a verse that I use in these times (thanks to my MIL) "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind," And I often quote that when thoughts run into my head that bring me down. I quote that, smile, and move on knowing that through God I can do all things.
I didn't get any great pictures at the parade last night so I took a picture of the dragon puppet we bought Isabella for her first CNY. It's a bit scary looking but it's a neat memory.