Sunday, January 08, 2006

Brr... Yes I said Brrr

Today I experienced what it's like to live in an area that does not have central heating. I found myself pretty chilly at church especially because I forgot to take my jacket out of the washing machine last night and had nothing to keep me warm. I was hopeful that the amount of people in one room would heat it up but no such luck. It seems people don't go out when it's this cold... (LOL about 50 degrees)... or at least that's what it seemed like today with the large amount of people missing from church. Mental note... bring back my winter jacket for next year! By that time, I will probably be even more adjusted to 50 being cold.

On another note... it's been a hard weekend for me. I've been debating all day what to post in my blog and how honest I should be. I started this to keep myself focused on how God works each day and realized that I've always posted about positive things. So I debated about posting a negative thing but then I realized that God doesn't just work in the good times but also in the hard times and through our trials He draws us closer to Him. And then I realized... that there aren't many people who read this, I just started it as an easier way for me to track my thoughts and those that actually do read probably want to know what's going on with me. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that those reading this are probably praying for me so if I share my heart they'll know better how to pray.

Making a short story long....
I'm by no means a perfect Christian who has everything under control. I have struggles and I go through trials yet I try my hardest to come out of these praising God and growing. However, I have one struggle that I've been dealing on and off with for about a year that I can't seem to get a grasp on and it hit me hard this weekend. It made me struggle with my self-esteem, my purpose in life, and my confidence. What makes it even harder is knowing that if we were still in MN, this struggle would have been dealt with about 3 months ago with some great wisdom from my MIL. But what makes it worse is that I'm dealing with this while dealing with the adjustment of another culture and I don't have my best girl-friend to talk/pray this out with.

Aghhh....

But it's good too because I know that God will bring me through this! I've never been more confident in this than as I write this right now. I know He's using this to draw me closer to Him because it's forcing me to memorize scripture and to pray all day long. I'm excited for this freedom to come but I know it will take time and discipline.

I've said this before but it was a great reminder to me today... God is in everything... good and bad and He uses all of it to draw me closer to Him if I have an open heart. I'm open God... teach me!



This picture made me smile today so I had to post it. We have a guy in our group that uses the word 'gangsta' all the time and it just makes me smile and when I looked at this picture, I thought... 'She looks like a gangsta.'

1 comment:

sarah lu said...

hey melissa! just wanted to let you know that i am praying for you like nothing else, i dont really know how much of a struggle you are going through but now that i know i will pray for you ten times harder! i love you! and i miss you!

sarah