This has been a trying weekend. On top of my being sick and Mike's knee, I received news that my FIL is sick, our friends Dad is sick with a long recovery ahead of him, and one of my teachers resigned. Aghhh... I received an email from a friend who said, "Makes me think that God must be doing some good things through your family! We've learned that when we all seem to fall apart that God is usually doing something and Satan doesn't appreciate it too much...sometimes we don't know what's going on."
Her email made me think hard and it reminded me about what I read yesterday about the book of Job. I'm reading 'The Bible Jesus Read" by Philip Yancey and the chapter devoted to Job reminds us that it is Job who is on trial and not God. Some take this book and say... how can God be so cruel but it's not about that at all. The chapter also talks about how some people become believers because of what we can get out of Christianity. Sounds funny but the more you think about it the truer it is. Some people only want to follow God when things are going their way and turn against Him when there are troubles. Here Job is tested when everything he knows and loves is taken from him. How will Job respond? Would he simply have faith because of.... well for no reason? How would you respond? And that reminded me of this weekend... or even more.. the past few weeks.
Although, I haven't experienced anything close to what Job has, the past month or so has been difficult. Little things have continued to happen that when added up, stresses a person out. So I asked myself, how have I responded? Unfortunately instead of saying I've found victory, I've found defeat and my attitude has shown that. Don't get me wrong... this isn't a 24/7 bad attitude but I have found myself very frustrated, down, depressed, etc. Why? Because I took pity of myself and starting asking the age old question... why do bad things happen to good people? Actually not so much that question as the opposite... why do good things happen to people that aren't he nicest or most deserving or even following God? That's a terrible attitude and I found myself asking... have I failed God's test? What's going on with me?
I think it stems from the fact that I often find myself questioning my purpose here in HK. I can't work, my ministry is limited with our church set-up, and I don't speak enough of the language to have conversations with people that I run into. I know my purpose is to raise Isabella but for some reason that's not enough. I think it's because I'm so used to what I had in MN and I loved everything about it. My studio, the school, my girls...etc. Parts of adjustment here in HK have become increasingly harder the longer we're here. I was warned of this but didn't expect the adjustments to come in this form. I thought maybe... food, climate, getting around, etc... the basics but they run much deeper. So I have to ask myself ... will I trust God and have faith just because? Do I need answers in order to trust Him?
Gen's statement "sometimes we just don't know what's going on" is so true at this point. I don't have any answers right now and I have to be okay with that. So today begins with the attitude of "Having faith just because" and also taking "One day at a time."
I'm so thankful to have JB and Iris to go through this missionary experience together because they always have great wisdom to share and this is something Iris shared on her blog that I must agree with... "I'm happy to say that God is triumphant and has brought us here for His purpose, not that our will would be done, but rather His! Days like today make me very glad I serve a very BIG God, because I surely couldn't do this without HIM!" I'm right there with ya girl!