Poor Mike.... he was trying to watch tv and I kept interupting him with some 'ooh's and awe's and I can't belive that'. But he was very gracious in listening to what I had to share and thinking through things with me. I was reading my book on Monday night and the chapter (actually 3 chapters that I had to re-read like 3 times) was about Saul (another important person in the backstory of David). It was these chapters that made me starting highlighting like a crazy woman. There was one thing after another that grabbed my attention and it was so exciting to find Biblical answers to some questions I had over the summer.
For example... she was talking about how the people demanded a king instead of waiting upon the Lord and what that cost them and then she said this, 'Often when God does not readily give us what we want, it is because He knows what our desire would cost us. Faith sometimes means forgoing our desires because we trust Christ to have a better plan for our lives.' This was a very powerful statement for me because there is something I deeply desire but every time I think it's going to work out... something else is thrown in and it gets pushed back. It's very hard on me but and I question why this keeps happening so I need to be reminded that to push and make something happen will probably cost me.... cost me Christ's plan for my life. I don't want to demand something from God, I just want to be confident that this isn't working out right now because God has a better plan. It's much easier to deal with letting go of my desires when I focus on God's greater plan.
And then we discuss the difference between godly humility and low self-esteem and this was really interesting because how often do we do something (like sing/play for special music or lead a ministry or etc..) and when someone compliments us we say... 'oh it wasn't that good or I should've done it this way, or etc.. again you get the point'. Maybe you don't... but I definitely find myself saying things like that. It is very difficult for me to accept compliments because I never seemed to be pleased with myself or sometimes it's because I don't want to sound arrogant.. so instead of giving God the glory with my words, it becomes about 'me'. I may be 'trying' to be humble but that's not being humble... it's low self-esteem. We may be trying to posess humility but humilty doesn't come in the form of 'denigrating' ourselves either. Humility is having confidence in how God has created you and what He has asked you to do. So in situations that I mentioned above... I don't have to be arrogant but I also don't have to put myself down either. I can be confident and give glory to God for how He allowed/guided/helped/etc me in that particular way. I was really convicted that I criticize myself too often and how that suggests a lack of confidence in God.
There was one more thing but my wording is not yet figured out and I want to be clear in what I'm thinking so maybe another day and I've been tring to post this for a few days now so I'm just going to end here. More to come later.... lol