I don't know what happened to my baby today... she woke up a little before 5 crying her little heart out. Fortunately, nothing a little cuddling couldn't fix and she quickly went back to sleep but that incident seemed to effect her entire day. She did take a good morning nap that allowed my MIL and I to chat and that was wonderful. We talked through all sorts of things and she really shared some wisdom into some struggles I've been having. One of the things we discussed was something I totally forgot to share yesterday and well here it goes...
I took them to the Fa Yuen St market, a market I haven't been to in months. I was pretty confident I knew how to get there... just get off the KCR and find the footbridge. Unfortuately, we got off the KCR and I could not find the bridge so we started walking. I figured if I could get to the street, there are enough signs and I could find my way. Wrong again. Here's the awesome part... a chinese lady saw me looking around trying to find my way and came over and asked if she could help. God thing #1 She spoke excellent English. After she understood what I was looking for she not only offered directions but actually walked us to the market... God thing #2. Maybe this sounds normal to you but this is NOT normal for HK. Everyone is too busy to help anyone let alone WALK them to where they need to be. Some people say that we can over-spiritualize life by including God in the tiniest of daily life details but isn't God the one who created this world? So why wouldn't He be in everything? I have no doubt that God brought that lady over to us to help and how could I NOT give Him the glory! What a blessing that was to us.
Another thing I have been struggling with is what does it mean to put God in a box. For example... Mike and I have the philosophy that we will do/go wherever God leads us... we will not limit Him by saying things like 'I will only live in this area or only do this ministry.' Now don't get me wrong, we have our own desires and wishes but ultimately we will do what He has called us to. I personally feel that if I tell God what I will or will not do, I'm putting Him in a box. I'm sure there are others who would disagree with me but I'm simply sharing my thoughts. Now... my struggle is if I tell God how it has to be (for example like if I tell God that I won't live anywhere but in PA) and we find a job there and move... is God honoring my wishes or am I making things happen on my own. I'm pretty convinced that (I guess that means I'm not really struggling with this exact question but... well just keep reading) if I tell (notice I say the word TELL... like I'm calling the shots) God something and it works out that way than it's probably me making it happen or God allowing it to happen but in the end I'm not fulfilled as I thought I would be because I'm not directly where God wants me to be. Does that make sense? I feel as though I'm rambing a bit... anyway.
Think of the example of the Israelites and thier begging for a king so much so that God finally gave in (against His better judgement or perfect plan) and gave them King Saul. What happened? He was a lousy King... he tried to kill David, was disobedient, etc. If they had been patient and trusted the Lord's timing and provision... just think who the King might have been and what might have been accomplished. I think this shows how we can't always see the big picture and ultimately... God knows what's best for us. Therefore why I wouldn't be completely fulfilled even though I got what I wanted.
So I guess what I'm really struggling with is why some people tell God what they want and get it yet here I am... open to whatever God has and yet I don't receive the desires of my heart. Now... I'm not unhappy, not feeling neglected, and God has defintely given me some of my desires but this struggle is what leads to my questioning.. 'what does putting God in a box mean.' Am I putting God in a box because I don't tell Him specifics and possibly saying that I don't trust His ability to meet those?
I don't really believe that because I know God can do anything and I also know that being exactly where God has you is the most fulfilling (no matter what you may think!) But I guess I'm just dealing with a little bit of jealously/envy of some people in my life that seem to be getting everything they want... when they want it.
But as my MIL reminded me... I need to "choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve" (joshua 24:15) and what's more important... getting what I want, when I want it OR living a life knowing that I'm where God wants me to be and trusting that His plan for my life is more wonderful than I could ever have dreamed up.
Wow... I just told Mike that I think this post was pretty wishy-washy going from 'I'm struggling' to 'No, I'm not struggling' but that's how my brain is working today as I think through these things and that's why I love journaling... because my thoughts don't totally have to make sense... I write so that I can put my thoughts together and discover God in the process.
So now that it's way past 11 and I still want to read a few pages of my book... I best bid farewell!
Take a minute to notice the little blessings God has for you today!