Thursday, February 23, 2006

What I've been learning...

I didn't know what to expect when I stepped onto American soil again. I didn't know if I would be happy to be back, sad to realize how far away we live, shocked by the differences, etc. The first thing hit me when I walked into my friends living room and saw the space. A moment of jealousy, shock, disappointment all hit me at once. I had forgotten how big homes are here, how nice large spaces are, and didn't realize how small our flat really was. These feelings continued to deepen as I watched Isabella enjoy the space to crawl around, as I walked into Walmart and saw all the choices (and in one place), and as I was surrounded by family.

Those first few days were hard. I had to really remind myself that God had called us to HK and that we wouldn't be happy anywhere else. It has gotten easier as the days have passed and as I chose to change my attitude. But spending time with my in-laws really made a difference as well. See... my FIL is a Pastor and MIL is very involved in a variety of ministries and we spent a lot of time talking about our ministry in HK. My MIL helped me find a variety of materials to use for Children's Church and she got me really excited about returning and really digging in my heels into this ministry.

My FIL's sermon on Sunday really touched my heart as well. He talked about being lukewarm in our walk with Christ and how God HATES that. He didn't sugar coat anything and it made me think about where I was spiritually. I realized that although I had been 'doing' ministry in HK my heart was not 100% there. I've had one foot there and one foot stuck in self-pity of leaving my family. A real eye-opener... I guess I have some serious talking and confessing to do with God. But it was such a good thing because it got me excited about our return and the possibilities that lie ahead. God did bring us to HK for a purpose but He can't use me if I'm not willing and if I'm not 100% committed why would He want to use me?

So, I will soak up the time I have left but rejoice in our return. Not only to see Mike but to see how God will work in and through me.

1 comment:

Margie said...

I am so glad to read your updated blog. You have me in tears right now because I know exactly what you are saying. I wish we could email somehow so I don't take up space on your blog. After 2 yrs in Hungary I was so overwhelmed going back to the states and now it's 2 yrs again and we are visiting in May-well, just enjoy the rest of your trip and the Lord will give you strength. Here is a scripture God gave me dealing with the exact thing about physically serving, but where is my heart-Psalm 84:5